Trick or Treat? This time I got the Trick ... and a bad one
After posting the last time, I realized he had forgotten an important evening, really really nice, one that you really do senire that are made for each other. We were two of us, to him, and we were eating what was left of dulce de leche, coconut biscuits on. I do not know how I got it, but after creating a beautiful rich cream biscuit appicicosissima, Did I just smeared him. A month ago I would never have dared, as if things were not suitable for children of a man like him. But that night I came so, naturally, it will be for your situation. E he laughed, and he rewarded the same coin. We had a great time, until we were so filled with dulce de leche that we had no more time and we decided to stop wasting it. We engaged in a struggle in which we laughed uproariously. Two happy children. How nice it was. Sin essermene not mentioned when I wrote the other post. So now ends up in this, anything but cheerful.
do not know who of you knew me two years ago, and who, between them, it reminds of my crazy and memorable Halloween. It had happened in all colors, but in the end, every time that I, Ale or my best friend I think about it, do it with a smile, even if the evening had ended up in the ambulance.
The Halloween of this year, however, will be remembered by me as the evening when I cried so much from dehydration, which I felt that I would just die and be forgotten.
But some things are not forgotten, nor if they would like with your whole self, so we should put in writing and keep them there, remember your weaknesses, your sufferings, how have you been hurt but you have to retreat.
early Saturday morning I went with other girls to dance flamenco and jazz for the inauguration of a new district, and then Friday night I did not leave. A. In the afternoon I saw for a coffee and to talk about some good news he had to give me up a small business we are doing together. He was very happy and excited for the good news, it was more beautiful than usual, and when it came out that evening there was a party where the costume was required, he helped me to make me think of something to participate.
Eventually the party did not go home because I was not asked directly, and I went to Qbar with Al, Mike and the other girls, before moving all'Lpg, where everyone would go to the party. In fact they were all there, and also my beautiful Cow Boy.
We drank so much that night, there was a lot of people, an incredible mess. A. I have not seen much. Then, at some point, I see her. Why, what are you doing still here? In theory it should have been already allocated, as it was here just two weeks ago! She was not beautiful like that Saturday, but it was still her, and it made me somewhat uncomfortable, especially when I saw him read a message on your phone, then she avviucinarsi so sensual and heard him say, "I just read your message. "
I knew it was you! What the fuck you want?? In short, I was already a little in crisis, but I had to do? A scene in front of everyone? And for what, why she wrote the text messages?
But then, poof! He's gone. Without saying a word. People began to wonder where A? And I say "I do not know, maybe in the bathroom." Half an hour passes, and certainly was not in the bathroom. A. But where did he go? M anon told you anything? But he's gone? I already which was causing some embarrassment, that peaked when the people and all our friends have started noticing that she too was gone. I tried to pretend nothing happened, because they were all Danes, so she knew better than me, and probably had more than my friends, but anyway ... I started to collapse. While forcing myself not to think tragically without any evidence, we want to do, I am a woman, some things feel. And in this case was so clear that I was not the only one to have made a certain idea.
I started to have teary eyes. Every time someone asked me, get a bit more polished, until Sanne, a Danish girl, I took it and took me out. He spoke to me, I forget all about her birthday that I had asked why there was also another, and A. told her she would not have felt at ease, and though she had made him promise that he would have told me, and yet I did not know anything. Then he told me that maybe I thought she was his friend, because he was Danish, but not really, and that I liked so much and sorry to see me. He told me that he and she they had met for coffee, and he told me. And I am collapsed on his shoulder, crying, desperate for confirmation that she was thinking what I feared. He told me that he was an asshole , that I deserved, that sorry ... anyway, then came out well but I miss Lisa Sander and I saw them, and they are gone. By now I could not fall, so I think let me know where to go home. It was after two hours of the disappearance, I would have waited a minute longer.
I left home, and I've had a tremendous crisis, alcohol has made it stronger, I cried and sobbed like a mad woman screaming, unable to stop, without believing that was happening to me, and with him. I do not know what time I collapsed exhausted on the bed, crying and hoping only that the revival could never reach to avoid having to face the truth.
I woke up at 7, confused, not understanding what had happened. When I realized it was all true, I started to cry. I went to the bathroom and when I saw it I had a moment of panic because I was unwatchable, I looked ill. My eyes! As if I had been inflated by cortisone, an incredible burning and all veined. I look at the phone and found two calls and two messages. I refer back to bed and read. U Went home? "Of 3:20 and" Please answer, "of 3:46. I told him then, as angry a hyena, I told him that I went home because he had gone before me without a word and I was tired of being asked by all where it was. He said a bit 'after saying that he was so drunk, so sorry and so ashamed of himself for having treated her so.
Mind you, I do not even sapoevo where the fuck was over, and what he had done. I replied "Treated like?? I do not know what to do and where I miss! "And he replied" To have left me alone and I made you worry. " And then I asked if he could come to me.
To which I was a little 'off-limits, because I thought: is that all? I've only left alone or is there more??
before telling him that if he could be tried to resolve the matter in the eyes, first because it was truly monstrous, and secondly because I did not mean what the fuck I saw tears.
I was agitated, I began to clean up listening to music more pissed off that I have. At the end
knock at the door. I open, my heart in my hand, and I find that the postman had the wrong door. And then knock again, and this time it was him. I could not watch it, fearing the worst and not knowing quite how to behave. I never quarreled nor I expected and I would happen to him, mature man. And then, I did not know exactly what he had done. I was excited and could not stand still, I was there to clean up and he finally asked me if I could sit down a second. I reached my bed, shaking even more.
I do not remember how it started or I could make a speech like that, but the gist was as follows.
He apologized, first of all, I said it was ages since she was so drunk. He told me from the beginning, talking about her. He told me that she was still here because I live in Q. for 5-6 months. He told me that when we went to Shanghai together, he had done with her. And every now and then but he had thought of her, though I liked it, simply because the reason he had closed with her was that she was not here, not because they had problems or discussions. And that there could do nothing, felt he had the old feeling against him, and meanwhile he had for me, he liked them both, and that when people say that is either white or black are all crap, so why not and that is as absurd as this good fortune to find two people he liked so much, was at the same time is unfortunate, because he had found at the same time.
short, told me that she was back in late September, with the news that would have stopped here a few months later in October, two weeks ago when I saw her also he and I had barely spoken. He told me the next day, G., whom she had never liked, had said that instead, all avendoci talked on Saturday night, had changed his mind and was a really cool and nice girl, and asked him if he could have number. He remained there shit. Gave it to him, because he had promised to support him in all his desire to feel better after his loss, without judging, but perhaps it made him jealous, because he would never feel at ease knowing that I unoPoi said that they had met for coffee and to talk, because they had never talked about their situation, but had not yet resolved, and then on Halloween she asked him to talk a bit about 'quietly. so were made to turn the block, talking. Of his best friends was dating a girl that still was not quite closed.
On Halloween she asked him to quit talking, and had made rounds and rounds around the block, talking. She said she had decided to stay for a few months for work reasons but also to try to take him seriously. He said that now there was me and that she knew how to do, but which still had feelings for her old, who did not n'arano gone, and had also for me, and that word was confused and not really knew what to do.
They spoke without being able to reach a solution, then, when he returned all'Lpg, I myself was gone. He told me that night, seeing the way you talk with him and with others, he realized that his feelings for her were not so strong. so he came knocking at my door, standing on the stairs half an hour because I did not answer, and then finally went home, with the suspicion that he was so drunk the wrong door.
A house was unconscious on the floor and then someone rang the bell. He thought it was me, but it was her who wanted to talk. When I arrived here I started to weep because my fears were proving to be exact, the worst that could happen was happening. He told me he wanted to tell me the truth because he did not want never lie to me and wanted me to know everything to decide. He told me he had started kissing and then to 'fool around' until he had felt disgusted, she stopped everything and asked her to leave.
He said he has no justification, which was a real asshole for the first time in life and that had never happened before, that he was ashamed of himself and felt like crap for having treated her so. He told me that everything had finally clear that this shit was finally able to make a choice. That in all these months has sought advice from friends on what to do with us, and that was all easy, they said it would be a fool to leave go, that I was by far the best choice, many of them even liked her. But he was not so easy, we were both attrenti in his eyes, in different ways. He told me that this stupid thing, however, made him understand that the old feelings he thought he had for her were gone, that the absence or remoteness makes the strongest feelings and only remembered the good things about her and not the ugly ones and that is why he could not decide. And that had served him do something so stupid as to risk losing her to realize that the feelings that are stronger for me, as if I built something. What if I could ever forgive him, he would do anything to retrieve.
looked me in the eyes, telling me that was really mortified that he was not so and that was not in itself, and that he really wanted to be with me and hoped I could forgive him, but if I had not done would have understood. He told me that if I did the same thing to him he does not know what he did because he would have felt really very, very hurt, and he understood perfectly well that I should at least hit him with a punch in the face.
Yes, I would have hit him. Maybe now I feel better. But I have a pulse, I have very strong reactions at the time, but once I've vented, everything fades. And I was too hurt, too weak, too destroyed to even raise an arm. And, I admit, too relieved. It is because, as he began the speech, I was convinced I was being downloaded, and I could not stand. After two weeks I had a little bit relaxed knowing that I saw his girlfriend, now this ... and because he had said during the speech 'in love with you' and because in the end I was saying that in recent months he was not well for this situation and finally had everything clear now, and he understood what was the best choice.
He told me that I'm perfect and beautiful, and I thought, "Yeah, perfect, wonderful and horns, and thanks to the cock! I'd rather be imperfect and not horned. "
When he told me that he would done everything I wanted to catch up, looking into my eyes with a face like a beaten dog waiting for my answer, did not really know what to say. I knew that I would have forgiven him because I can not nor do I want to do without him. But it went against my principles, for which I would never accept a betrayal. In the end I did not pull their feet, and I told him that he had to deal with a little 'odd jobs I had pending in the house, how to lift the washer and put the legs of support. It was my way to play down and let him know that I forgave him, without doing scenes from movies.
Anyway ... Now I am part of the group of betrayed who decide to forgive. I will have done right? I regret having spent my energies on the night before, alone with my anger, and they capitulated so easily. I hope I do not think it has character or that it was too easy and that does not happen again. It scares me to have the ability to make me feel so bad.
After talking we made coffee, and we started to talk about our past experiences. He told me that he is afraid of commitment, and that those who know him say that and because his mother has married and has lost her husband early, his first girlfriend, Indian, he was taken away to an arranged marriage, the second is dead. The third has discharged because he had to leave, the district has remained in Paris while he came to China, the fifth, here in China, he left and went back to his house. And this only with regard to important stories. In short, he told me that scared, that is not good with relationships.
Returning to Denmark, told me that afternoon that he would see her again due to close completely, but that, living here and she had friends in common, he would have done so in a way, and it would take some time.
I told him a bit 'me, especially the VJ, I told him that I had been afraid to commit myself, because I tend to fed up quickly. Then we were trembling a bit 'for the post a little drunk' because it was really cold, so we got under the covers. He asked me if I could hug and I said yes, and he held her, sighing through her hair. I came to cry. We were there as well, a lot, 'but I could not sleep. After a while, 'I told him I was afraid, very afraid, because I knew that could make me so bad. And that I would need some 'time. We were talking, and looked at me for a while ', then he asked me if I could kiss. I asked him if now on plans to ask permission each time. I know why they do it. It feels dirty, and he sees me inaccessible. He kissed me and everything was ok, but then in my head have been formed images and I stopped, I told him to hug me and after a while 'it was best if he went away, I wanted to spend some' alone to assimilate everything.
He's gone to the house of Sander and I finished cleaning, of course not before he called to tell her everything Alessia. I also ate something because I had a pit in my stomach.
After a couple of hours I wrote to ask if was okay if he came to settle down with Sander wireless. He arrived, Sander, Lisa and Gabby.
We spent the afternoon with me, and liked the new house at all, I have fixed the computer. Then he called Guillaume, we told him to get here to me, that we ordered dinner. E 'come with a bottle of wine as a house-warming, we played a bit' with Gabby that he learned our names (respectively for A. Abbo, whereas before he called Dum Dum, which looked a lot like a dumb dumb, which it was fun, Biomass for Guillaume, and Ayli or Elle for me), then came the food.
After dinner, the little family is gone and we were I A and G. to chat and talk about small wins, now and at home, and also G. left us. I got myself free on Monday because I was not nearly good not having slept. He has stood by me.
The next morning we were shivering but finally rested, we prepared breakfast, then he went to see the new office of G., just in front of my house, I did some errands and then accompanied me to pay the heating and have lunch. Then we went to Chengyang for our small business. We came back late and we eat with andtai Sander, Lisa, Gabby, Guillaume and Kim, who had just returned from Denmark.
He then came to my house, we cazzeggiano a bit 'with the computer, then asked me if I wanted to go to him to see Last Of The Mohicans but in the end it was late and we dropped.
I liked that it was at my house once in a while, especially after her, our refuge, was contaminated with the feet support. He has not spoken to close again, because it was all the time with me. I just know that we have passed from him for a second take of things and I felt bad to be there, thinking she was playing, came in and started to do things on the couch so many times where we fell asleep, or in the room pussy we have created together. Unbearable.
I want to take up the subject again, one last time to ask him to quit and if you really truly believe. I am the one that, if forgiving, it really does, and reset closed. It 'absolutely useless and stupid forgive then continuously accused the mistake of others. It 's like to forgive pretend, to show that you are magnanimous and good when in reality you just want to have an advantage over the other, a reason why others should feel guilty or always in debt. It is not mature behavior and do not approve, then I refuse. I decided to forgive him because I know that is a person who is, and I appreciated how he discussed the situation with me, and I know that if it is the right one, you will play the second chance that I gave. I hope not to be mistaken and that will not disappoint me.
During our conversation, he told me that he understood that she is not the right one ... not her.
During dinner Lisa told me that he asked Sander what they said, and he said that A. said that if I had forgiven him, then I could truly be one with which I take seriously, like get married and have kids. Frankly, I think Lisa has given her a romantic interpretation to the words of her husband. A. In the years anyway ... it is 31, is no longer a child. After I told him that if I am in China now is for him, I think he realized that for me is not a game.
Well, that was my Halloween, today I told my boss, colleague, and he was moved to me. Cute. Do not tell anyone else we know, because I do not want him to be judged by his friends. It cost me, because everyone on Saturday night, even if they did not have the certainty, thought that he was with her, and therefore I'm the poor guy. It will be humiliating to succeed and to review all, knowing how I see it, but I will do the same, without telling anything and let people think what they want. And I will do for his sake, to forgive means to cancel it, pretend that nothing happened, even if the persons concerned, he and I, we will not forget.
I happened to be unfaithful before, even if I never made out and therefore I have never hurt anyone for this, but I think the betrayal was a sign that I did not love more, the opposite of what happened to him, which instead served to understand that he wants really. But I understand what you mean. Only when you get a hair's breadth of losing something, you know if it's valuable for you or not, whether it is worth risking just to do shit. I do not know ... I hope that this outburst
here can substitute for the slap that I have not pulled. Certainly makes me feel better.
I hope I do not judge too bad and that, despite her far from exemplary behavior, there is always your my favorite man. But I will tell you, if you really seek to recover, as I said. For now, it's going well. Tonight at moments I was paying to keep him from sleeping. But I had to finish writing or not my favorite girls?
